For generic comments about Christine, feel free to use this post.
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My heart is a burnt field, a heavy rock from which I cannot squeeze any tears out, although they are there, stuck somewhere and making me nauseous. They only come when I talk about her love for the West and the mountains. This seems to be the trigger. Her pain is now my pain. But where is my pain? It's deep and dull. They say it will come. It's only been two days, a new reality not set in.
It's not about me though, but her. I want to celebrate her life, remember the details of it. I will task myself to do this here...
This morning I went on her computer to look at stuff and was able to get on her Facebook page -she was still signed in. I also checked her favorites and click on the following Chris Ledoux song... I wonder how many times she played it. She was home there.
Mon coeur est un champ brule, un rocher lourd dont je ne peut extraire mes larmes, qui sont la pourtant, coincees quelque part, me rendant nauseeuse. Elles ne viennent que quand je parle de son amour de l'Ouest et des montagnes. Sa souffrance est maintenant ma souffrance. Mais ou est la mienne? Elle est profonde et enterree. Les gens disent que c'est normal, les larmes arrivent parfois plus tard. Ca fait seulement deux jours, une nouvelle realite qui ne semble pas exister encore.
Mais je veux plutot parler d'elle, de sa vie, me rappeler les details. Je vais le faire ici...
Ce matin je suis allee sur son ordinateur et j'ai recherche ses sites favoris. Je suis tombee sur cette chanson country western de Chris Ledoux (au dessus), "Ramenez moi dans ce vieux Wyoming". Je me demande combien de fois elle l'a ecoutee. C'est la qu'elle etait chez elle.
I use to look at the photos of Christine that showed up on Facebook and they would always make me smile. She had such a wonderful smile and her eyes were so kind. I remember thinking... I can't wait to meet her one day. I wanted to tell her I loved the photos she took of her grandkids. They just radiated with love, her love and theirs. What an amazing woman she must have been and I wish so much I would have had a chance to meet her in this life but I hope to meet her in the next. I know she is deeply missed and my heart is breaking for Caroline, the kids, Keith..... the whole family.
ReplyDeleteDear God, We don't understand your ways but thank you for your unfailing love for us. I know you are close and that you will help this wonderful family navigate through this loss and pain and I pray your grace and mercy wash over them and give them the peace and strength to grieve as a family in togetherness filled with love and compassion for each other, knowing your love for them will never ever fail. Fill their minds and hearts with happy memories of Christine to help them smile through the tears. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen